Diary of Nachetanya (Trustfell R5)

[nachetanya]

[ This diary is collected in a notebook that she found in the supply closet early into their stay at the hospital. All of the pages for the various characters have been sort of edited and re-edited with pen. Some of them have had additional pages added on later in the notebook. The penmanship is fine, and the diary is stored within her room hidden. The front page is quickly labelled: ]

This diary is created in the event that I am incapacitated or killed, that it can end up in the hands of Dozzu. Or if my memories are somehow made faulty, that I can compare against myself, no matter what happens in the coming days.

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Week 3 Friday (post trial)

[nachetanya]

Day 20

So much happened in the last several days that I scarcely had time to write it all down. It's because of this most of the changes have been noted in the notes for individual people or elsewhere. However, it seems like a good idea to collect all of my thoughts in one entry.

I didn't enact the plan this week. Wednesday saw the revelation that Tsubasa has an alternate self, a cat-spirit who "assimilated" with her, taking on her stress. Her stress and other emotions that Tsubasa severs from her heart. I was initially uncertain how to handle this... but speaking with the cat further, I've come to two different but related conclusions. Both of them influence the plan, but ultimately change nothing about it.

First, the cat isn't altogether a different person from Tsubasa. The relationship between the two id interesting, because while the cat does have some degree of individuality (that is, it had a life prior to Tsubasa) it's emotions and "will" are as a result of Tsubasa's emotions and thoughts. This is clear for a variety of reasons - it's not simply that she inherited the stress, it's that she's a reflection of whatever Tsubasa doesn't wish to feel.

... It's not too dissimilar to the argument we had about robots. I still disagree with the conclusion that doesn't constitute life, but if a being's thoughts and emotions are entirely (or near entirely) a result of another's, are they different from the one they take those from? I suspect only her "will" might be different.

Second, that the cat is still in love with me. Arguably, it could be said that the cat loves me more than the "normal" Tsubasa, because it can feel things unhindered that Tsubasa severs from her heart to maintain purity.

She asked me to save This will go in the Tsubasa notes. It's getting long enough already.

Regardless, the cat won't interfere with the plan.

Rin and Sakura now have cause to suspect me. I doubt it will amount to much, as Rin was the one who issued the challenge but... It's a shame that there's no way to eliminate them beforehand, at least not without being suspect. On the plus side, George I believe is now totally mollified as a threat.

Gant was the killer this time. His ambitions were strong, though he also reveled in excess in a way I find difficult to tolerate. It's a shame I didn't get to know his true self better.