Nachetanya Loei Piena Augustra (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nachetanya) wrote2017-06-04 11:41 pm
nachetanya) wrote2017-06-04 11:41 pm
Diary of Nachetanya (Trustfell R5)
[ This diary is collected in a notebook that she found in the supply closet early into their stay at the hospital. All of the pages for the various characters have been sort of edited and re-edited with pen. Some of them have had additional pages added on later in the notebook. The penmanship is fine, and the diary is stored within her room hidden. The front page is quickly labelled: ]
This diary is created in the event that I am incapacitated or killed, that it can end up in the hands of Dozzu. Or if my memories are somehow made faulty, that I can compare against myself, no matter what happens in the coming days.
This diary is created in the event that I am incapacitated or killed, that it can end up in the hands of Dozzu. Or if my memories are somehow made faulty, that I can compare against myself, no matter what happens in the coming days.
MAIN ENTRIES
Week 1 Sunday
I awoke without an arm in a house of medicine which is in disrepair other than come precautions taken. The kitchen is stocked with a great amount of food and devices that I don't recognize. Technologies I don't recognize are all over the floors, as well as glass that heavy objects didn't even crack. I'm unarmed.
Also my left arm is missing. The wounds don't appeal surgical, and my bond with the fiend that heals me isn't functioning. Nor are my saint powers and concealment ability. None of my abilities appear to be functioning right now.
I'm glad the arm wasn't bleeding.
Twenty-nine other individuals are here, and the captor is called the Transmitter. Information on all of them will be noted somewhere else.
I don't believe this is Carggik or Tgurneu's work.
Week 1 Monday
This is going to take longer than I expected, I believe. Too long.
Week 1 Thursday
I wonder if they had begun to kill themselves within the Illusion Fog Barrier. They could have found the spare ritual items, but trial and error would be required to deactivate it, let along figure out the trick. Dozzu would be attentive enough to allow them to go free. Can they wait out longer than me?
Week 1 Friday
The first murder happened today. Arietta murdered Felicia as a spur of the moment thing, impassioned by her need to return home for revenge. The trial itself was taxing, but I did learn several new rules. First, that while the exercise is "terminated," only the victorious one will survive, having successfully fooled the others to vote for the wrong individual. That means that the only way I'll succeed here is either to kill one of them, resolved to kill all the others, or be patient.
Honestly, both options demand patience.
Dozzu, you'll likely need to manage things without me unless I resolve things this next week. Even then, the Braves are at a significant risk from Tgurneu the longer they remain in the Fog Barrier without my being there. The most ideal scenario would be that Chamot kills Flamie, the others kill Adlet, and then perhaps Goldov kills Hans in order to find the missing "me", at which point you can claim leadership as per the wager, and then steer things for victory but...
It's all so uncertain. At this point, I either need to accept patience and trust in Dozzu or I need to take action soon. Rash actions will simply get me killed though, especially as long as George, Wesker, and Tsubasa remain alive.
Week 2 Sunday
Keeping count of the days since the awakening of the Evil God might not serve a purpose anymore. Unless I take action this week, which I am not yet prepared to do effectively, I will need to trust in Dozzu to complete the plan without me, or at least maintain things.
I got some of my memories back.
I do not know the circumstances that led up to this, but I lost in the Illusion Fog Barrier, unable to kill even a single one of the Braves. I asked them to join our cause, and all of them refused. I might still be able to get some use out of Goldov, but ...
Adlet was the one who defeated me? Adlet and Hans, the assassin. I could not have expected that. Did they remove my arm after that point? The nature of the wound implies to me that a fiend is more likely to have done it, but it could be one of the creatures in Chamot's stomach as well.
I don't have enough answers.
That said, this means that the Braves are at least free of the barrier. It is possible they can "save the world" in the conventional way. But to believe in that is to underestimate Carggik or Tgurneu's plans. Both of them are too cunning to allow for that.
Week 2 Monday
I have every intention right now to remain patient. If I failed in the Illusion Fog Barrier so completely, that means that our plan has been pushed back to such a point Dozzu and I will have needed to improvise. Did I fail with the back up plan against Chamot as well? I hope not.
If that's the case, than Dozzu can manage things without me. Or more accurately, he will have needed to now. I'm confident that between Hans, Chamot, and Flamie then the Evil God can be sealed again, the problem being if any of the others fall to Carggik or Tgurneu.
It's too late for me to do anything about that though, unless I kill someone within the next three days. That would leave one more week for Dozzu and I to catch up and complete the plan, assuming i would be returned immediately.
But I still need to return this crest on my chest. If Dozzu can act again in three hundred years, he'll need it again.
So I'll work with the plan I've come up with, building towards it. Even if it's after the deadline.
Week 2 Wednesday
Yesterday was exhausting.
The Transmitter was taken in and the Rise revealed themselves. I didn't get to speak with the Risen, but others did and their accounts are something I have little reason not to trust. I don't think even now that the Transmitter can be counted as an ally, but I may have misjudged their position relative to us. I feel as though, given enough time... then the solution might involve an alliance with her.
That solution will take some time though, to conquer our distrust and her fear. It's entirely possible that solution could take months and there will be many more dead before that time. If the Risen are really as powerful and impertinent as we saw the other say, that might not even be possible.
The Evil God will be awoken or defeated within the next week and I can't even witness it. And that assumes that my memory didn't stretch beyond what it does not (how did I lose my arm?). I would need to kill today in order to safely return with any length of time.
... I will continue to pursue my current strategy. I made great headway in establishing it yesterday.
Week 2 Saturday
I've locked myself into the current strategy too completely to pretend that I can act within the next five days. In light of that, I've decided to stop noting the passage of days since the Evil God's stirring. I need to trust that Goldov and the others will be able to seal it back up and that Dozzu will assist them without allowing three to fall to either Tgurneu or Carggik. It feels irresponsible, but this group has shown itself capable of proving a murderer twice now, and this second time even I was confused by the man's actions.
... Revenge, twice. It's disgusting.
I will waste no more time on that.
Goldov's helmet must be ringing constantly now. I hope that he has managed to stay focused on the mission. It's clear now that even if he conspires some way to find me from across worlds, it will be too late for me to return in time to help against the Evil God. Even then, I'm lacking in context.
I hope thatTsubasa is beginning to love me, I think. I care for her as well. That's important.
Week 3 Sunday
Most of our comrades have been killed. Negotiations with Carggik have failed. I've been captured by Tgurneu. Tgurneu was the one who took my arm.
And we're all counting on Goldov.
I have faith in Goldov,
but if that's how badly things have gone-I have faith in Goldov and in Dozzu. It's too late to change the plan now.
Week 3 Tuesday
The incentive this week is perfect for the plan, but it's one I'm going to need to walk on a tightrope about. The incentive was a threat that they'll reveal our secrets to the others and to everyone back home. If I continue to assume that my role is completed other than the return of the crest, the reveal back home doesn't matter that much except for the risk it might create for Dozzu. However, revealing it here might damage my credibility for the plan.
Wesker reacted poorly.
Maybe he'll act rashly this week.
Week 3 Friday (post trial)
So much happened in the last several days that I scarcely had time to write it all down. It's because of this most of the changes have been noted in the notes for individual people or elsewhere. However, it seems like a good idea to collect all of my thoughts in one entry.
I didn't enact the plan this week. Wednesday saw the revelation that Tsubasa has an alternate self, a cat-spirit who "assimilated" with her, taking on her stress. Her stress and other emotions that Tsubasa severs from her heart. I was initially uncertain how to handle this... but speaking with the cat further, I've come to two different but related conclusions. Both of them influence the plan, but ultimately change nothing about it.
First, the cat isn't altogether a different person from Tsubasa. The relationship between the two id interesting, because while the cat does have some degree of individuality (that is, it had a life prior to Tsubasa) it's emotions and "will" are as a result of Tsubasa's emotions and thoughts. This is clear for a variety of reasons - it's not simply that she inherited the stress, it's that she's a reflection of whatever Tsubasa doesn't wish to feel.
... It's not too dissimilar to the argument we had about robots. I still disagree with the conclusion that doesn't constitute life, but if a being's thoughts and emotions are entirely (or near entirely) a result of another's, are they different from the one they take those from? I suspect only her "will" might be different.
Second, that the cat is still in love with me. Arguably, it could be said that the cat loves me more than the "normal" Tsubasa, because it can feel things unhindered that Tsubasa severs from her heart to maintain purity.
She asked me to saveThis will go in the Tsubasa notes. It's getting long enough already.Regardless, the cat won't interfere with the plan.
Rin and Sakura now have cause to suspect me. I doubt it will amount to much, as Rin was the one who issued the challenge but... It's a shame that there's no way to eliminate them beforehand, at least not without being suspect. On the plus side, George I believe is now totally mollified as a threat.
Gant was the killer this time. His ambitions were strong, though he also reveled in excess in a way I find difficult to tolerate. It's a shame I didn't get to know his true self better.
Week 4 Sunday
There's hope.
My memories this week have to be after the ones from last (I have a missing arm) and Dozzu and I are cooperating with the Braves. They've lost none of their number, but Rolonia Manchetta has joined their number. There's still seven of them, and so that means Tgurneu has a Seventh among them still.
Regardless, we're heading towards the Temple of Fate inside of Tgurneu's territory. This means that Dozzu and I have managed to negotiate an alliance strong enough that I'm willing to work with Hans to try to test Rolonia's validity.
Even if I vanished, that the alliance is secured and that none of them are dead means there's a chance that they at worst defeated the Evil God and Dozzu can act again in three centuries.
I must act this week
Week 4 Wednesday
It seems fitting to act on Thursday evening, as with every other murder so far. It makes the whole affair more generic, and will allow me to cast a wider net for people it could implicate. The movie this week touches on everyone, by definition, though George was able to more quickly dismiss it (as did Nozomi, which was expected). Others reacted more poorly, in particular Greed and Lovecraft. I may need to overall reassess Greed, actually...
Regardless.
Today was a happy day. I spent time with the cat, playing around. Yesterday I dueled Tsubasa in chess. Tonight we played a "King's Game" that Nozomi and I set up. The whole affair was playful, though I imagine that Wesker, Krauser, and perhaps even Kogami (though they showed, unlike some others such as Mikoto) would assert that its frivolous in the face of the fact there will be a corpse on Friday.
It's ironic that I disagree with them but will be supplying that corpse.
As excited as I was to play with all of them, to tease Tsubasa and Daniel and the others, I'm also excited for my performance on Friday, to see them all vote wrong, condemning the wrong person and seeing myself victorious. It sends chills down my spine. It's a shame that so many of these people will die, but I knew that the moment that I formed the plan.
Nothing ought to be regretted.
We fight for our ambitions.
Week 4 Thursday
I wrote those final notes in the back, because I was held up by fear in addition to my excitement and preemptive grief. I can't allow myself to consider failure, and I never have considered it before. The rabbit is impressive, because even if it flees, as long as it escapes, it can win. But I don't have any power to escape right now. My concealment ability is gone, my saint abilities are gone, and all that remains is to see how I perform at the trial.
It's a tightrope even tighter than in the Illusion Fog Barrier, and I ultimately failed there too.
I love Tsubasa.
I'm going to kill Tsubasa.
I'm going to return to Dozzu, or at least see what happens beyond this exercise. I'll talk to Misty one last time, and I'll probably kill Tsubasa. Do something nice for her before tonight.
I'll make it quickNOTES
Week 1 Notes
The Transmitter is always recording, even when they claim they aren't watching, intimacy won't be a good cover
It won't matter here, no one knows my world. But unless it becomes relevant, don't include the Seventh into the story of he the Braves. Exclude Hans or Flamie?
There are actually twenty eight worlds represented, not thirty. Felicia and Corrin are from the same, as well as Wesker and Krauser.
Telling the story about the Evil God is getting frustrating. I love the fiends, and pretending otherwise is frustrating.
Arietta corrected me, Sakura (the younger) has a classmate here as well. Twenty-seven.
It's liberating to keep a certain amount of honesty with the Transmitter.
Tsubasa is so frustrating!
Week 2 Notes
The first "memory" I got back doesn't explain my arm. But it does mean that I lost completely in the Illusion Fog Barrier. Adlet of all people defeated me?
The memories can last over months for some people.
My current plan is one which would be more in line with Tgurneu's work, I believe. I had thought I might do a similar thing with Goldov in the Illusion Fog Barrier... I wonder if I did, in the end?
I've decided to exclude Flamie. She'd be more complicated to explain and I don't know the full details about her yet anyway. Hans's cat totem would be anecdotally useful in a few situations.
Corrin, Rin, Nozomi, and Madison were all willing to play along. No one tried to stop it.
[ A sketch of this ]
On one of the racks in the laundry room. Ask about it?
It's accelerating now, I'm locked in to the plan.
Week 3 Notes
I need to test for reactions this week. A party or a game?
Tsubasa or Rose will propose we show each other our notes. I need to obscure that somehow. Or show it, but obscure the meaning.
Wesker's patience (diligence) continues
Sakura has more and less depth than anticipated
What was that meeting?! Organization is lacking, must go make some party.
I made the party, a Truth or Dare event. So much happened at it, and while it was fun it might deserve its own note section, or at least a large expansion on several people's ongoing notes. My plan is pushed back. Nozomi is more interesting than I though, and Rin...
Why a half-melon? Does that make Tsubasa 3/4 of a melon? What even is a whole melon?
[ Angry scribbling here which doesn't even seem to form words. This is followed by some strange little pictures of birds ]
Week 4 Notes
Misty is my friend. I wish I knew her name. I told Tsubasa about the cat, I hope it pays off.
The incentive split the group. I agreed with Nozomi and the other early optimists, like George. That there's no reason to not go for your goals without the effort to go with them. I agree, of course, but I don't believe that will wave suspicion off me entirely.
Still, it's a perfect incentive.
If I fail, will Misty remember me?No doubts.I miss Dozzu, I wish that I could have him beside me here. I realized today that it's actually been many years since I was apart from him for this long. After all, I've been here longer than the journey Adlet and I set off on to the Illusion Fog Barrier.
Today, as I finished my entry, I knew that I would need to write more. I've never been one to write, but this diary has served beyond its original purpose, hasn't it?
It's sillyI won't bother to make notes about the Transmitter this week. I'm going to win at the trial, and so there's no point. I can remember a week's worth.
PATIENTS
DAMON GANT (notes stop with death)
I told him about Adlet.
Danger assessment: 3 He seems shrewd, and I think he can see through more than he lets on. I don't have a strong beat on him yet, but that also means he can't have a strong beat on me. He hasn't been that active at either trial yet.
DEAD. He killed Yusuke in order to hide the secret murders and crimes he committed to fulfill his own ambitions. Honestly, I find his motivations the most respectable so far, even if he was corrupt by the end of everything.
He seemed to have faith in my ability to help them see this through. It's ironic.
MADISON MONTGOMERY
DANIEL DICKENS
TSUBASA HANEKAWA (notes stop beginning of week 3)
HOWARD PHILLIPS LOVECRAFT
RIN TOHSAKA
SAKURA MATOU
CORRIN
FELICIA (notes stop with death)
GREED
PIZZAZZ
MIKOTO SUOH
NOZOMI KAMINASHI
MCGILLIS FAREED
GRACE MAKUTSI (notes stop with death)
OSOMATSU MATSUNO
RYOJI MOCHIZUKI
YUSUKE KITAGAWA (notes stop with death)
WHEATLEY
SHINYA KOGAMI
ROSE SHEEDY
ALBERT WESKER
JACK KRAUSER
SAKURA KASHIMA
DOUG (notes stop with death)
ARIETTA THE WILD (notes stop with death)
QQ SELEZNEVA
GEORGE ACE
ASGORE DREEMURR
THE TRANSMITTER / THE RISEN
Initial Day Notes
"You've all experienced something that must be attended to."
Might not be watching during intimate moments.
Something like this has happened before. "That's how it is." Claims there are no other groups other than us now and there won't be replacements.
Week 1 Notes
Week 2 Notes
Week 3 Notes
THE PLAN / TSUBASA HANEKAWA
The Plan Grand Scale
Normally, I do not believe in writing things down. Leaving evidence like this is sloppy, and I might well burn this diary before I execute the plan if I can work out a way to do so without leaving evidence. However, because the deception requires fooling myself as well this time, it seems prudent to assure myself of it's ability to succeed, and to leave evidence of my actions for Dozzu in a way he can understand.
I began to form a plan to kill Tsubasa within the first few days. At the time, I had thought it would be more prudent to win her over and have her become someone who would cast doubts about me when the time came. This was before the nature of Rule 7 was clarified by the first trial. Once there, with the form of the stage needed to deceive everyone made clear and the consequences of that deception more obvious, I needed to change strategies.
I also realized that Tsubasa was a poor choice for being that sort of evangelist. She's too rational and too controlled. Even if she did feel strongly for me, her defense would paltry as compared to the sort that Osomatsu (who I had also tried to win over) could mount. Between that and my own growing interest in her, there was a needed to change strategies.
After the second trial, and Doug's attempts to deceive us, it's more clear to me than ever that the best way to deceive everyone is with the truth. The truth is that Tsubasa is starting to fall for me, and I am starting to fall for her. The tears that I spilled the other day were real. I feel a similar guilt for what I plan that I'd feel for a plan I knew would kill Goldov. Even in the Illusion Fog Barrier, while I've yet to remember the details, I'd hoped that he could be a tool for me instead of a victim. I said that I "played around too much" and while there's truth to that,
I know thatRegardless.
To execute this plan, I've decided that I need several conditions to met. I need to make sure that the feelings that Tsubasa and I share seem "normal" to the rest of the people in the exercise (1). To do that, given I started in the first week, I expect that I will need at minimum at least another week of public flirting and affection to make sure that there can be no doubt about it or about my sincerity.
Next, if these incentives are to continue, ideally, it would be an incentive I am either not implicated at all by or (more ideally) one that I am implicated by but that many others are implicated by as well (2). This will allow me to argue that while I was tempted by the incentive, I would never kill the girl that I am falling for.
Ideally, I would also have someone I could frame for the murder. While it is possible to create a situation where numerous people can be implicated, I have already begun to consider specific ways I might implicate some others. (3) Those will be noted in an additional section below. It might not be the best course of action to rely entirely on framing one person though, if their sincere denial wins over the rest that will endanger me.
Particularly as long as Wesker, George, or Kogami remain alive. While the later two can be mitigated, if Wesker gains any influence over the rest of the people in the exercise during the trial, that could quickly implicate me. That means that the most ideal time to take action would after Wesker dies (4). This can't be counted on, of course, and thus should not delay the plan if everything else lines up.
Finally, there are practical concerns about the methodology of the murder. The weapon used, where it will be, when it will happen. Ideally, if the trend continues that murders seem to happen at night during the end of the week, I will follow that trend.
But I alsoI want her to die instantly. None of the weapons and means that I have on hand can ensure that completely. (5)It is probably time that I wrote down the plan more clearly. Dozzu, if you end up with this diary, please understand my motivations for this. If our plans around the awakening of the Evil God have failed, then the only purpose I can serve for you now is to return this crest. In that sense, it's my final scheme that matters for our ambitions, unless circumstances change. Perhaps it's this that makes me so desperate.
The plan is simple: I will allow myself to fall in love with Tsubasa, and make her fall in love with me. When there is no doubt either between each other or with anyone else in the exercise, I will kill her. And at the trial, I will steer things in such a way to implicate someone else. The other patients will chose wrong when it comes to the execution, and I will be able to escape the exercise.
We fight for our ambitions. Nothing can be left to chance.
Methods of Framing
Tsubasa Notes (continued)
Cat (Black Hanekawa) Notes
FINAL NOTES
"If I Fail"
My nerves are getting to me if I'm considering this at all. I can't contain my excitement to finally win this game, but i know some amount of that is fear, too.
... No, I won't write it like this.I am going to leave the beginnings of this note in here, to remind myself I ought not hesitate. We fight for our ambitions, it has to be tonight.
Dragonslayer
Mages
Others